I wish I had a very upbeat post, but the reality is, sometimes, I am just sad. Not sad because of who L is, but sad because I feel like I want to 'fix' the situation. and then i feel guilty because i know he's perfect just the way he is. i guess i feel like i don't always know how to put into words how i feel even...fearful that i will sound ungrateful. i guess i ultimately just want life to be fulfilling for L--always.
it's been hard this spring hearing of everyone's kids (and i do mean EVERYONE) playing soccer and doing this and that. i remember when landon was born i always wanted him to play soccer...somehow i always thought of that as a run sport. it's hard to think that he might not every do it--and i guess, who cares, it's not like it really matters, but i guess it does or else i wouldn't think about it.
AGAIN--i don't want to sound ungrateful because i LOVE him. i LOVE him for who he is and who he isn't. he can certainly give you a run for your money on any video game, that's for sure!
i guess everything might all be hitting me because I feel bombarded with reminders of our circumstances lately.
We just recently committed to having him be a part of the elementary Functional Skills program at his elementary school. I'm excited as I know it's what's best for him, but i also wish it could be different. i wish he could 'hang' (so to speak) with his age-appropriate peers. Academically, I know it's best and that is what matters. He is a smart kiddo and this will only foster his growth.
We also just had track and field day at the school where I teach on Friday and everything from walking over to the high school where it is held (the noise and confusion and the noise and the lack of structure) to the activities just made me think of him. I wondered all day what he would be doing if he were there. Would he participate in any activities on his own? Would he be willing to do something if someone encouraged him to do so. Would he be so intimidated and overwhelmed that he would have a difficult time?
His 7th (yes, 7th) bday is coming up and we're looking into adaptive tricycles. a part of me wants nothing more than to get him one, but i really wish i could just go to Walmart and buy him a bike just like any other family.
okay--i'm rambling. i could go on forever, but i feel like i'm talking in circles and making no sense.
for those of you who read this and don't know me, i certainly hope you don't think i'm the worst mom ever....just having one of those days, i guess.
